So, is it?
I have always validated my worth through the paychecks I receive. Now, now, if anyone tells me that the value of a person does not rely on material goods, I will shoot him in the head, for the simple reason of being a hypocrite. Keyword I’d like to emphasize is validate. While it is true that it’s hard to equate yourself with a monetary currency, let alone imagine it, in the ideal world the salary you receive is equivalent to the hard work you’ve invested.
Now, this being the case, I feel awfully distraught, bothered, and utterly useless for not earning any paycheck for the past three months. When at work, I often feel that it would be so nice just to stay at home, raise your legs up and just eat junk food while watching tv. But this is just a fleeting feeling, not one that I would wish for my self to do on a span longer than any tv drama’s running period. Being sloth has never been my life’s ambition.
I want to be able to see that I’m able to provide and buy things that my brother would need for his school, or for Mom’s meds, or for my sister’s tuition, or for Dad’s car. Encountering those problems, and not being able to do anything about them, is a big blow on my already-dented ego. It’s not the satisfaction of seeing material things, but rather the satisfaction of achieving things. If I can buy a 39″ tv, I’m not proud because I have it and no one else does, but I’m proud because I was able to buy it for my Mom so she can watch her soaps. If I can send my brother to an expensive college, I’m not proud because not everybody affords it, but I’m proud because I know that it’s gonna be making an impact to his future. So see the difference?
When people say money can’t buy happiness, that’s true. Nobody just walks in a convenience shop and says can I have $20 worth of happiness (unless you are willing to think green jokes on this one). What people can buy in relation to happiness is food, education, comfort, the things that would remove any obstacles to being happy. Money is not buying the happiness per se, but buying things so as to be able to enjoy life and becoming happy.
I guess after this pointless rambling devoid of any journalistic construction and form, what I’m saying is, I want a new phone but can’t buy one. Haha. Anyway, In the next couple of months, I hope I’ll reach a resolution in the progress of my career and my life in general. It’s shady at its best, not knowing whether I should go to SG, US or just be happy in my motherland. Moving to a different country is not about forgetting what the country did for me, or for anyone, in rearing me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s my parents who are directly responsible for that, but I’ll discuss that in different blog entirely. Moving to a different country is deciding what is best for me and for my family.
May the gods’ will be done.