Monthly Archives: April 2013

Badass…not!

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There are days when I feel such a badass for accomplishing things from as mundane as waking up on the right side of the bed to achieving big task such as making a client happy.

But, for the life of me, how come the sucky days unfairly outnumber the badass days? It’s as if everything that can go wrong gets lined up and scheduled in one day, on a thirty-minute interval? I try not to be as emotional as possible: when I was young I didn’t cry on recollections, I didn’t cry when Jack froze to death and sank in the ocean, and I didn’t cry during a book-bashing fight with a school bully during elementary days (he cried by the way).

At 26 (or 27 in a dozen more days), I should be more mature, my confidence should be at its peak, and my strength should be boundless. But lately I find myself asking the Three Weavers of Fate if they can at least, please, consider throwing things at me one at a time. If only my head were as strong as the guy on the right, I would be probably be doing the same thing a few days in a row.

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hullabaloo

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It’s 4:19 am as of writing, and I’d really love to say that I can’t sleep because of the loud snores from my roommate or because Candy Crush is keeping by braincells (or what’s left of it) up. But truth be told, it’s because of an overwhelming stress.

At (nearly) 27, things tend to get more serious in life, no matter how much one tries to cling to the Peter Pan Syndrome as they call it. This is such a bad age to be jobless and at the same time, to have to realign goals and courses of action. It’s so so easy to bitch about how come others possess what you have and not be appreciative about it, and to throw an endless fit about how things suddenly go haywire from being perfect. But at the end of the day, thinking about what others have is just a means of escapism, a way of avoiding your own problem and about delaying confrontation. This realisation is what’s keeping me up.

I’m not making any sense nor do I hope to make any sense. I’ll just treat this as a silent prayer from the gods above to guide me in the next critical days. I’m way past signs and miracles, and it’s about time to make a move and not wait. Still, a little intervention would help.

Random thoughts on a Monday

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Bum-mer. 

Who ever said that being a bum is the best job in the world ought to be slapped a thousand times. Only 11 days and already my entire body is seriously clamouring for some work to be done. I feel as if in a few more days of listlessness my brain cells would eventually reach a melting point. Yeah, true that we wish to be free from work pressure while we are employed, but that wish, I learned, should never be taken seriously longer than just that exact moment. Can’t wait for this torture to end and the new torture to begin.

Candy Crush Crushes.

Please. Please. Please. The last thing this game app needs to be is a platform for flirting. When someone gives you a life or even invites you to play the game, it is never tantamount to inviting you for a date, or should not be misconstrued as flirting.

Please control your hormones.

 

 

Make it work!

As Tim Gunn of Project Runway would always say, “make it work!”

I’ll try – no, scratch that – I’ll make this day productive, as woozy as I may feel. Soon as I get my ass up, I’ll run to the clinic to get medicines, go to the remittance center to get my money, then maybe color my hair, then go home and finish writing my $500-gig. As my boss would always say, “Make things done, get things happen.”

Let’s do this.

And I saw the sign…

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Nope, I don’t do karaokes. Unless you’d like to go deaf for the rest of your life. Let me explain the title.

As of writing, I am still jobless and still waiting – courting, even – for my love job to get back to me. Seeing as I am at the crossroads of my life, I made a deal with the gods above – Roman,Greek, Catholic, Indian, Chinese, etc – to give me a sign whether I should wait or move on. This was on a Thursday. I didn’t see the sign during that day which, mind you, was too specific the probability is very unfavourable to me. This was to see our store’s bus on the street. Currently, we have only two buses all throughout Singapore going on specific roads at different timings with which I don’t have access – at least the timings and where it’s currently at. Well, there are about at least 10 buses of the same bus number (please refer to Singapore bus routes for more understanding). And oh, there are about 17,046 buses in Singapore as of 2011, so the chances are really, really, really low…

I opened my Facebook and saw one of my managers post the photo of the bus and asked myself, is this the sign I have been waiting for? After a few more hours of wandering into the city running little errands, I opened my Facebook and saw another manager post another photo of our bus. Picture this – I’m desperate, very stressed, and very willing to believe that this is the sign I have been waiting for. But then, since this is just, maybe, an alternative, an indirect way of convincing me, I asked for an extension. Just one final day to see if this will happen or not.

Nope, this is definitely not what I meant by “I saw the sign.”

WP_000306Friday. I left home at around 3:30pm and had to rush somewhere near my previous office to meet with one of my bosses based from another country. Catch up and you know, give me my present from New York. Yay!

By the time we finished, it was already 5:00pm and I had to rush to my boyfriend’s office before 5:30pm, I forgot all about the sign. It was already a short time to try to look for it, and where I’m going to is not part of the route. Well, I know about the area the buses go to since I recommended it. So probably the photo in Facebook is all the sign I’m looking for. Sometimes, we just have to be contented with what we have.

Suddenly, while talking to my Mom on an overseas call, I saw a bus design that I have stared at countless times during the time we were getting it approved.

I saw the sign!

I tell you, I felt as if I won the lottery during that time. I know that the manifestation of my sign is by no means any indication of what’s to happen or that it can be a scientific hullabaloo for the things to come, but hey, surely someone up there is listening to me. Or maybe just playing pranks and laughing at my expense. But anyway, this made me happy. And optimistic. Whether it does or does not merit any truth, I’ll definitely write about it. But as of now, this placebo is enough to get me going.

In the meantime, join me in badgering the gods above to answer my prayers. 

two years throwback

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And now, I am officially a bum.

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Two – no, make that three – years ago I was wishing for a miracle to make my self-imposed exile be meaningful. I then had found a job that has pretty much become a big part of me and now, due to inconsequential issues (at least to me), would have to leave albeit with much reluctance. Which brings me back to a sinking void of what I though was just part of my past.

Funny how, instead of counting the days before I turn another year older (and supposedly wiser), I am counting the days of until when I can make my next move. Relocate, come home, or just stay.

The next months will be very difficult, seeing as I am in another crossroads of my life. Sometimes, don’t you just wish you can talk to yourself even just two months from now and get that sign you are waiting for? You know, just assure you that you won’t be a derelict, or a paint-sniffing bum. Afterall, who can best assure you that you “can accomplish heights” than yourself?

I guess what I’m going through right now is like Steve Jobs getting fired from Apple. This is a temporary bump in the road and foresee a greatness (whoa) in the days ahead. I just have to take advantage of the following things:

  • No need to set an alarm clock every morning.  
  • Oversleeping is common.
  • More time for Candy Crush.
  • Bathing, toothbrushing, and binge eating at any time of the day.
  • Lastly, no need to dress up as much – not that I’m naked or anything, but I can just wear pyjamas the entire day.

I do have a feeling that I’ll be able to convince myself that this is  only for a few days, after which my body and mind will endlessly complain of inaction or lack of work. If I can only cross my fingers while typing…

One last thing I failed to mention above is that this temporary vacation is a good way to reevaluate and be thankful of the other things that are going on in my life. This makes me appreciate having a job I love more, spend more time with the people who I would just have otherwise exchanged “hi” at the most, and be thankful and proud that my youngest brother has just graduated valedictorian in their class. And oh, they say love is sweeter the second time around. I got back with my boyfriend of four years.

So despite the emo-wave that’s hitting me, thank you Almighty for making other things beautiful despite how sucky I feel.