Payday + Depression/Mood Swing = Bad Combination.


I guess, one fun fact about life is that you get to discover a myriad of things unfolding every time, even about the person you thought you knew very well – yourself. I’d like to believe I am not materialistic, but I am not perfect either. So, there are some things I tend to splurge on, even with my brain’s constant chant of “save, save, save!” And this is one aspect of me that I discovered, or at least acknowledged, just recently.

A perfect day to splurge, at least for me, is when I am feeling a bit down. I am a firm believer
that fact is, it would be a whole lot boring if everything in life would to come to you served in a silver platter with a caviar on top. I love challenges, but oftentimes, I let the downward crash of emotions sink through me so I can feel I am striving for something, that I am fighting.

Okay, such a lengthy excuse for me to go spend some bucks on things that I wouldn’t normally spend on. Why am I, despite the normally ecstatic me on payday, feeling depressed? I guess, when I say I meet challenges with a full-forced Big John McCarthy’s “Let’s get it on!” I am kind of hoping that Someone from above would at least throw it at me one at a time – something a 45-kg me could handle.

I must say, job applications are a roller coaster ride: one moment you are at an all time high, then the rails would suddenly make a steep bend downwards and take you with it, screaming, legs flapping, nauseated and all. The best thing about it is that once you go to the lowest level, there’s no place else to go but above again. What I am saying is that, I think I almost had it: a good career with an established company, good people, and finally a chance to use your brain and, well, make it work.

To be eliminated by trivialities, such as work permit, is a tad disappointing. Who says waiting is fun?

I found this quote from Brian Tracy:

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes

our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

Though it is hard, I do know something right will come my way. And as soon as it does, I know it will be all worth the wait and heartaches . I maybe out of sorts right now, but that’s the word to dwell on – now. I have to console myself! So, I will linger my thoughts instead on moving on and most importantly, getting that Kate Spade bag for my Mom and those cute Victoria’s Secret bags for my two sisters.

There’s a silver lining behind every stormy clouds, just have to shield your eyes from the heavy rains and look up. Oh happy day.

And if at first you don’t succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again

-lyrics from Aaliyah’s Try Again


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