Monthly Archives: July 2010

Aesthetic Freedom in Facebook

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With just one scroll of the mouse, I managed to annoy myself big time by seeing two pictures posted by random contacts in my Facebook.

One is a closeup of a child’s bum with diapers drawn down plastered with mushy, gooey, and ridiculously orangey yellow substance that though I do have as well, would prefer not to see – especially if it belongs to another person. What if I happened to be eating in front of my computer while mindlessly browsing through my wall? The vivid picture surely isn’t appetizing.

Just two posts down is an extreme closeup of a relative of whoever while taking his final rest inside his coffin. I could almost imagine him asking if he can grab that photo and make it as the primary picture of his Facebook. Jeez. Sure, the internet is free for all and it can get as democratic as it virtually can, but please please, bear in mind that having a little stop sign with the posts can do wonders for the sanity of others. When can we say that posting in Facebook can be a little too much?

I guess, we won’t be able to say this at all. The best gauge would probably be to put yourself in someone else’s shoes: how would you feel if shit stares you in the face?

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Scoring Goals for the Long Term: Goal 1 = 0.5 pts

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Don’t for one second think that any pain can stop me from my favorite sport: eating. So, I went yesterday to visit my second least favorite place in the world, the dental clinic, to put an end to the pain inflicted by being too much of a sweet tooth.

For the life of me I was really scared, not only of the dentist, but also of the price. Wishing I could have changed things, such as swapping teeth with Donny Osmond so I don’t have to go through this, I hesitantly reclined in the gadget-studded chair and accepted the fact that probably, Donny Osmond always goes to the dentist so I wouldn’t prefer that either.

I blurted out my plea for a soft, smooth, and swift execution with as minimal pain as possible with the guy in white. He was speaking in Singlish and I wasn’t able to make much out of it, what with deafness compounded by the heavy beating of my heart. A bit of inspection and tinkering, and out comes the big syringe injected twice on my gums to numb me.

Later the dentist went to the back with the assistant, stayed there for about 15 minutes doing something I’m not interested to probe further – it can either be preparing slaughtering materials or whatnots. I would have preferred the whatnots anytime. As minutes trickled by, I can slowly feel my head tilting to one side, my cheeks are puffing and gums swelling.

And then we were ready.

One girl held my head on both sides. I thought the dentist was just poking inside my mouth to see if the anesthesia worked already and was surprised that there was a left right left right swaying inside my teeth. Three minutes into dancing and off the big molar went – bloody and all. It was that fast. Good.

Afterwards, my whole body was literally shaking. My money also went as fast as my tooth went, and now there is a vacant space in my gums, as well as in my wallet.

Blue hair, you’re next. As of now, I just comfort myself by buying a big bar of Nestle Cruch and A Scent by Issey Miyake perfume I have been crushing on since I went to Orchard a few afternoons back.

GOAL #1: Blue hair and a visit to my 2nd most dreaded four-cornered room – the dentist.

Deadline: 04th July, 2010 (weekend after the salary haha!)

I have been wanting to ice up my hair in the cool shade of blue. Not totally, mind you. Dress to express, not to impress, as the saying goes.

Hospital and dental fees are way to expensive here in Singapore as compared to the Philippines, which (strongly stressed) do not necessarily  mean that the former outweighs the latter in terms of service (definitely not), safety, and quality. Everything in Singapore is expensive, even a single token’s worth at Timezone is expensive. Promising myself to take care of my biters, I’ll schedule a visit in the next two weeks.

SUMMARY:

GOAL #1: Blue hair and a visit to my 2nd most dreaded four-cornered room – the dentist. Check for the latter! 06.07.10. Blue hair to come!

GOAL #2: Learn, learn, learn!

GOAL #3: Back to writing!

Two years and a lifetime ago

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Seven hundred and thirty days ago, I kept on defying gravity. Back then I felt that science shouldn’t be stronger than I am, no matter how highfaluting the reasons were.

That was really the first time I got separated from my family. During college, I braved the busy and fatiguing streets of the city as well as the hard and dangerous roads on my way to nighttime work – all these because I didn’t want to stay in a dormitory.

Graduation from college waved a bright red flag of reality in front of me. I gotta do something not only for my future, but for my family’s as well. This option of  being an OFW was introduced to me by my Aunt staying in Hawaii, and since she fastidiously supported our school fees since high school, I mustered up big loads of confidence that so I can declare and independence day of my own. I wouldn’t call this as looking for greener pastures. Afterall, I’m not a cow or something.

One hour into the flight, I was already crying my heart out. It is harder than just hard, but at least, I didn’t cry in front of them. It was purely superficial courage and a constant effort to keep a poker face and I know they had a hard time as well. That magnified my pain six times, for each of them. Why would one leave the warmth of the only people who truly loves you no matter what for a dull and callous treatment overseas? Beats me.

Generally, I am not the shallow-tears type. Back in high school recollection, I was the only one without red eyes in the room so the nun organizing the session got me into doing errands, ie buying candles or getting something outside the room, because everybody else was a train wreck. Yeah, I didn’t even cry when Leonardo DiCaprio froze to death and sank in the ocean after Titanic sank.

Even with just three hours away, no matter how much and how strong I believe that they are always in my heart, it just IS so hard to be far from where your heart is. My first Mass in Singapore was with my cousins and his family at the St. Paul’s Church in 843, Upper Serangoon Road Singapore 534683. The Gospel wouldn’t have been more appropriate:

Matthew 11:28-30

28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I think back then strong blinding lights parted the ceiling of the church and some angels were singing. I dunno, maybe the reason I wasn’t seeing well was because of too much muta (eye boogers or medically known as rheum) haha.

Anyway, it was a good passage to uplift a bit of a battered soul. I am not a religious fanatic, nor would I ever claim to be one, but I am faithful. Sometimes, you will just get so amazed that such a big universe operates in intricate ways.

To celebrate, or maybe whatever is the antonym of celebrate, I was supposed to go to Mass at the same church, but unfortunately, I think it was undergoing renovation since the hotline said there were no masses that day. So I went to the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary at nearby 1259 Upper Serangoon Road, Singapore 534795.

I am not invincible, I still cry and get hurt. But this does not stop me from fighting. Happy Independence Day!

Self Pep Talk and Finding a Hero

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From nonsense and mundane tasks to expressions of love and greetings, Facebook has become the ultimate spy-cum-encyclopedia-cum-site, that has cyber-ly bridged communication between long-(and short-)distanced connections.

Jumbled amid the various messages and updates in this social networking site are quotes from the Bible (or Koran, or any other religious manuscripts) and quotes that would either a.)  make you smirk, b.) make you life with the cheesy lines, or c.) strike you hard with a sudden realization. The last point is probably comparable to jumping of a high diving board and having your chest do a hard collision with the surface of the water.

“The greatest battles are fought in the mind.”

— Casey Treat

I take advantage of reading through the good quotes posted on Facebook‘s news feed. Good thing someone else bothers to actively search of ones in the hopes that someone will get struck – just like me. Admittedly, I have been thinking too much lately (please put heavy stress on the “too much” part). So, this is the reason I am having too much problems: it’s because I overthink! If the greatest battles are fought in the mind and I believe that I am, well, at an all time low, then it is me who creates it probably, or at least magnifies small ones.

When my Mom said be thankful of the wide forehead that I inherited from my Dad because apparently I have more rooms for a bigger brain (duh), I don’t think she meant that I should making it hard for myself. Life in itself is a vortex of problems, least we should do is add some more. (Honestly, I think sometimes this is just to console myself regarding my forehead haha).

This morning, during my usual 10-minute walk from the MRT to the office, the song that got stuck in my head is Bonnie Tyler’s I Need a Hero:

I need a hero, I’m holding out for at hero ’till the end of the night

He’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

It would have been wonderful if there was a person who could act like a magical bullet for all our problems, sort of what Cinderella had with her fairy godmother. Though I got to admit, she didn’t instantly solved the damsel-in-distress’ problems, but rather provided her with the means with which to aid her for that limelight with the prince.

Fairy tales, in the least, come true not only in a kid’s dream, but in some adults’ as well. In reality, however, what we can take out from it are the lessons in all virtues you can possibly name of since it would actually be impossible to get a glittering wand that can turn a pumpkin into a handsome horse carriage.

Anyway, going back to the song. I do have my heroes in life: my Dad, my Mom, my wonderful siblings, and of course, Butz. One more person I should be including in this enumeration is, surprisingly, myself. Whoever this Casey Treat is, I’ve learned that if we are the greatest enemies of ourselves, we could also be our greatest heroes as well.

T’will be damn hard to believe in others, if we don’t self practice. 😉

Payday + Depression/Mood Swing = Bad Combination.

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I guess, one fun fact about life is that you get to discover a myriad of things unfolding every time, even about the person you thought you knew very well – yourself. I’d like to believe I am not materialistic, but I am not perfect either. So, there are some things I tend to splurge on, even with my brain’s constant chant of “save, save, save!” And this is one aspect of me that I discovered, or at least acknowledged, just recently.

A perfect day to splurge, at least for me, is when I am feeling a bit down. I am a firm believer
that fact is, it would be a whole lot boring if everything in life would to come to you served in a silver platter with a caviar on top. I love challenges, but oftentimes, I let the downward crash of emotions sink through me so I can feel I am striving for something, that I am fighting.

Okay, such a lengthy excuse for me to go spend some bucks on things that I wouldn’t normally spend on. Why am I, despite the normally ecstatic me on payday, feeling depressed? I guess, when I say I meet challenges with a full-forced Big John McCarthy’s “Let’s get it on!” I am kind of hoping that Someone from above would at least throw it at me one at a time – something a 45-kg me could handle.

I must say, job applications are a roller coaster ride: one moment you are at an all time high, then the rails would suddenly make a steep bend downwards and take you with it, screaming, legs flapping, nauseated and all. The best thing about it is that once you go to the lowest level, there’s no place else to go but above again. What I am saying is that, I think I almost had it: a good career with an established company, good people, and finally a chance to use your brain and, well, make it work.

To be eliminated by trivialities, such as work permit, is a tad disappointing. Who says waiting is fun?

I found this quote from Brian Tracy:

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes

our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

Though it is hard, I do know something right will come my way. And as soon as it does, I know it will be all worth the wait and heartaches . I maybe out of sorts right now, but that’s the word to dwell on – now. I have to console myself! So, I will linger my thoughts instead on moving on and most importantly, getting that Kate Spade bag for my Mom and those cute Victoria’s Secret bags for my two sisters.

There’s a silver lining behind every stormy clouds, just have to shield your eyes from the heavy rains and look up. Oh happy day.

And if at first you don’t succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again

-lyrics from Aaliyah’s Try Again