Another 365 days older


Funny how we wish for the ironic: hope that the clock speeds up a couple of hours to be able to get out of  the office (depends on the job you have, to be fair), and how, on the other hand, wish that we were younger (reminded by candles which seem to reproduce every time you blow them).

Bloated stomach, indigestion, where’s-my-pillow syndrome, having too much raw food for dinner, and lack of oxygen in the brain causes me to think that based from the partial results of the elections, the Philippines is in deeper chaos that it was when World War II was inked in our history, at least in some aspects.

Just think, a 50-year-old bachelor and father-of-none Aquino as a President, possibly Roxas (who married a journalist right before the elections for a subtle impact to what we call the fourth estate: the media) for Vice President who will likely oppose the president, and former President-now-Congresswoman Macapagal-Arroyo for Speaker of the House will be running 7,107 islands regardless of the tides. Aptly called a circus, politics in the Philippines is a good way of reducing calories. Why?

First is the headache of seeing the same faces again. Taken in a wrong context, democracy seemed to be synonymous with the elementary game of Chinese Garter where the basic idea is to step in and to step out. Best thing about it is that even if you fail to make it through one level, you just have to wait, sit, let your opponents take advantage of your skipping turn, then play again. This would give you minus 20 calories.

Second is the unending campaign jingles and surveys which have varying results. Though – blessedly – I am not in the country as of writing, I read different facebook accounts all complaining of one issue which is noise pollution. I won’t be surprised if these are subconsciously chanted during their sleep. Surveys can either make or break a candidate. If the survey is in favor of them, press release is that surveys are accurate, making more masses sway into the decision of the majority. If it goes the other way around, expect violent reactions similar to those of ladies having big pimples on prom day. On the calorie-meter, lack of sleep from these can maybe bring you 30 points down.

Third is who to vote. Bloodlines, celebrity status (come on), appeal for the masses that comprise majority of the population (it is actually disheartening to know that “masses” mean number of votes and not number of people who are below the average-income families), and some claiming with real credentials being the “underdogs” run the show.

The clamor for political change has always been resounding and yet, each and every time, nothing happens. This can be attributed to the opposition turning into what they have campaigned against when they themselves are elected. Choosing a lesser evil and going for the one which “majority” thinks will win is a predominant factor for deciding who to vote. I’d note 30 less pounds for this.

Fourth is having to hear the results being the opposite of what you have expected and/or reaffirming the expected results which is the opposite of what you would have wanted. Glad to know we don’t have to hear much about bloodbaths and claims of unfair elections, vote buying, black outs, and shoot outs partly due to electoral innovations. Though it has taken years before this gets formalized and needed last minute tinkering to work, I guess we are improving, albeit in a snail-like pace. Less 30 calories for this.

Roughly, without even noticing it, about 110 calories are lost every time we experience the above-mentioned. That’s almost equivalent to 20minutes of pure jogging every time. What cannot be measured is the fifth reason which is the aftermath.

Reason number five speaks of the results of what had just happened. Months of campaign and calorie-burning are all gauged to one judgment day. Bottom line is if one wants to have  nation-wide calorie burning, in the form of starvation, then look for officials who will increase your taxes, make the requirements of your benefits hard to obtain, and bombard you with products price hike, all while they are not affected in the slightest of inaction on their part. If it is only an individual who wants to lose calorie, better resort to the traditional exercise.

I write this with evaluation of how tight my pants have become since last night, after a sushi-fest and all things raw at a Japanese restaurant for a post-office celebration in my hellhole. I guess I would rather complain at how easily a small wrapped rice can make me gain weight than to complain about lack of food and surging prices in the Philippines.

365 days older, and the countdown of another has started. Thought after writing this: ridiculous. When you are older, you try to think more and make less sense. Jeez.


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