Why do I still feel as if I have an L-shaped sign on my forehead?
Sometimes I feel as if I am on the pinnacle, not of success, but of depression that I have to shake my head, or bang it hard against a wall, to remind myself that this is not me.
Fly by the seat of one’s pants
Decide a course of action as you go along, using your own initiative and perceptions rather than a pre-determined plan or mechanical aids.
(definition taken from http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/139400.html)
(and there, I still have my proper citation in place)
For a person who describes himself/herself with this idiom, it surely is as hard as hell to wait. And wait. And wait. I’d like to have a heart-to-heart talk with the priest who baptized me more than two decades back. Maybe just to squeeze some information or details from him if he had a premonition or what he said was just a random thought to please an impatient family.
Story was, amidst the throng of people in a mass Baptism held on 28 December, 1987 (I think), the priest said that this child (meaning, me) will be popular someday (or was it well-known?). I have yet to confirm if this story was told to me by my mother in order to pacify me with my juvenile soul-searching or publicly declared by the priest in order to pacify my father who was probably impatient and sweat-drenched then amidst the hundreds of people sardined inside a small church in Mandaluyong – outside and not inside.
**Inside of Mandaluyong refers to the mental institution. I am just clarifying the term so as to avoid further confusion regarding my sanity. Harhar.
Bottomline: Que sera sera. If this time comes – no, change that. When this time comes, please, to all the anitos who can hear me, do grant me the patience to ride it through until that time. Because as of now, some parts of life suck. Haha.