(written May 26, 2009)
this is not a love letter; i actually don’t know what this is. anyway…
i’ll try to sqeeze letters out and make my blinking cursor pregnant with words, just as how you fondly throttle the life out off an almost-empty toothpaste tube.
i’ll try to search through my fog-filled brain and look for words to describe something that, in fact, can never be captured solely through writing – ever.
i know this will be hard, but hell, i’m trying it anyway.
i was down to my last chocolate (the only gift i ever received at a time i expected santa to fill up my stockings), when you began introducing a word that is beautifully simple yet simply beautiful.
i honestly did not expect that a punk could have that much power to flip my life upside down – all in a good way.
i get nervous when you are around.
i think my lungs ceased working every time you’d talk to me.
i can feel my heart stop even with just a message from you.
now that’s the catch: i can feel my heart. beating. jeez.
we’ve been together for just a few months, but it actually feels close to forever.
i have a pair of big beautiful brown eyes (yep, i know you’ve heard this a thousand times but i am saying it again) that looks at me incredulously at my antics, that silently asks if i’m okay, that watches over me protectively, that stares deeply into space wondering what to cook for dinner or the best place to date, that melts my resolve even at the worse mood i have…
i have a pair of hands that produces music i never thought i would enjoy before, that holds on to me tight and just warms my heart, that prepares dinner for me even when i’m a few hours late for our date, that becomes the extension of your heart to mine…
i have a big heart that asks for little yet is prepared to give everything – a heart that is equivalent to a thousand other loving hearts all put together, and maybe even more. this is an overstatement and an understatement at the same time. i am blessed to say that this heart belongs to me.
and, i finally have my own capeless superhero, someone who rescues me just when the load of being one becomes too overwhelming.
no matter how i start off my sentences with “i,” these are written all because of you – with or without sense.
i have made something devoid of eloquence that every poetry or literary masterpiece has delivered; good thing i am not a poet. this is an excuse i hold on to in case i have not achieved coherence in expressing my love for you.
but there it is, all the non-sensical prelude all boils down to the strongest declaration i have ever made and will ever make: i love you. so much. ma’l.