Monthly Archives: April 2010

Achieving Goal number 9.

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I know this is going to be unfair or that this is not momentous at all, but it’s all because of that nail polish.

Since I was not able to rush into a nail polish store, which could have made me achieve my first goal, I decided to take on the easiest and lamest goal, which when you come to think of it, gives more work to be done as an aftermath.

As quoted:
Goal number 9. Stuff this with more meaningful goals.

I’ll do this, but just do not ask me to justify whether they are meaningful or not.

Goal number 12. Get my eyebrows decently shaped this time. If there’s a lesson I have learned from doing so, it is this: don’t trust freebies too much. Free vouchers may mean a world to you, but it sure as hell don’t mean anything to the person who’s doing services for you. The last time I received one, they inflicted unspeakable pain and made me look, well, a gay if I may say so. I left their so-called beauty shop teary eyed and full of curses.

Goal number 13. Have my PSP version 6.2 modified. It costs a little over a hundred dollars, and well, I should be listing this under “Dreams.”

Oh, by the way.

Goal number 14. Buy for me a perfume. I would gladly trade up my goals 2 to 5 for a bottle of Chanel No. 5. Woe is me.

I’ll work towards Goal number 11 today, and with all the prayers I can muster, I hope the devil doesn’t come. Namely, my boss.

Damned at 24. (I am 24 right?)

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(written April 21, 2010)

Goals some 19 days before my birthday:

Calendars that belong to me usually have this particular date sliced out from their page, jumping from number ten to twelve. Celebrating my own doesn’t feel as much fun as celebrating others’. For some reason, the clock ticking has made me decide that there should be a hit list of things I should be doing or having.

I’ll try to achieve at least one of them for each day, but as of writing, I am having the infamous “writer’s block,” or in a commoner’s term, attack of laziness. Again, I’ll try, I’ll try not to shirk from achieving as my tail is already between my legs, not that I have one. I have two predominant feelings about this. First is the temptation to put in simpler goals such as folding my clothes and ironing them during weekends, or something as mundane a task as brushing my teeth before sleeping. Second is not to succumb to defeat even before finishing my list of things to do.

I know I may not be able to achieve all, being a realist, but the optimist in me refrains from entertaining this. I’ll happily put a check mark on each soon as I accomplish them – stress on the word “happily.”

Goal number 1. Paint my nails – including cleaning them up first. I’d like to buy that glittery brown/orange (I honestly am poor with color differentiation) one to replace my chipped peach-colored nails. I wanted a black one, but that hardly seems ideal for someone celebrating birth. And yes, all the works, cleaning and stuff.

Goal number 2. Buy ballet shoes – clash of the non-sensical and worldly desires. I recently bought two-(or was it three?) inches heels and though I have learned how to run after a bus in them, I am still sticking to my all-time favorite flats. Killer shoes are only for killer days, and killer feet at the end of it. Do add a matching bag for it. My current ones are screaming for retirement

Goal number 3. Buy a cute dress. And yes, I am gay. Haha.

Goal number 4. Get blue hair color highlights. A bit tired of the jet black, and a feeling that neon green or pink would be over over doing it, I decided to settle on a cool yet, uhm, cool shade of blue. That is if the hair stylist at the parlor decides that I can already do experiments with my hair.

Goal number 5. Buy new bed sheets. Tired of the old and shabby looking bedsheets? Then it’s time to replace them! Although the ones I originally bought back from home are a bit expensive (but old, since I have had them when I still had only two front teeth), it would do wonders to my sleep (and eyebags) to try new, comfy, soft and hopefully inexpensive, ones.

Mental note to self: I am feeling positive about Goals 2-5 in achieving them all in one day – Pay day that is! Okay four down.

Goal number 6. Get a balikbayan box, fill it up with nice, inexpensive, expensive, edible, and usable things to send home. I love giving presents, but won’t be too surprised if I don’t have money for tomorrow haha. This will probably be completed on Pay day as well. Dang, payday. A few more days.

Goal number 7. Fulfill goal number 6. This goal makes it easier for me to complete my checklist, and also serves as a reminder that I should, I should, I should!

Goal number 8. Get another job and get the pass approved. This is the most difficult and the most prayed off all. I do not wish to expect, after all, que sera sera. But I do hope I find a real one, for at least the sake of my sanity. Please.

Goal number 9. Stuff this more with meaningful goals. I admit I am lazy writing now, and will get into writing again tomorrow. Just have to put all efforts to achieve, well, at least the first one. That’s a start right?

Goal number 10. Decide if I am going to spend this dreaded deadline in Malaysia or not. Two things: one, is the tremendous difficulty in filing for a leave with this god-forsaken company and two, is if I would be able to give in to this luxury, let alone save enough, for the trip. I’ll probably be allotting all the money with remittance and package costs, but then again I don’t like my own birthday parties.

Mental note to self 2: Rush to any store still selling nail polishes since I will be going home at 9pm. Hmmm.
P. S. Please be diligent enough to finish this list. Haha.

And oh…

Goal number 11. Try to fix the layout of this blog. It looks horrendous. Please have consideration for other readers, namely, me. Aja!

I used to think way back that mid 20s are old – really old old. I never envisioned myself being like ’em corporate types lugging briefcases, wearing long sleeves and having difficulty walking on tight tight skirts on super duper high heels. But here I am, just a few more winks to 24, and it’s not so bad after all. 🙂

down to my last chocolate

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(written May 26, 2009)

this is not a love letter; i actually don’t know what this is. anyway…

i’ll try to sqeeze letters out and make my blinking cursor pregnant with words, just as how you fondly throttle the life out off an almost-empty toothpaste tube.

i’ll try to search through my fog-filled brain and look for words to describe something that, in fact, can never be captured solely through writing – ever.

i know this will be hard, but hell, i’m trying it anyway.

i was down to my last chocolate (the only gift i ever received at a time i expected santa to fill up my stockings), when you began introducing a word that is beautifully simple yet simply beautiful.

i honestly did not expect that a punk could have that much power to flip my life upside down – all in a good way.

i get nervous when you are around.

i think my lungs ceased working every time you’d talk to me.

i can feel my heart stop even with just a message from you.

now that’s the catch: i can feel my heart. beating. jeez.

we’ve been together for just a few months, but it actually feels close to forever.

i have a pair of big beautiful brown eyes (yep, i know you’ve heard this a thousand times but i am saying it again) that looks at me incredulously at my antics, that silently asks if i’m okay, that watches over me protectively, that stares deeply into space wondering what to cook for dinner or the best place to date, that melts my resolve even at the worse mood i have…

i have a pair of hands that produces music i never thought i would enjoy before, that holds on to me tight and just warms my heart, that prepares dinner for me even when i’m a few hours late for our date, that becomes the extension of your heart to mine…

i have a big heart that asks for little yet is prepared to give everything – a heart that is equivalent to a thousand other loving hearts all put together, and maybe even more. this is an overstatement and an understatement at the same time. i am blessed to say that this heart belongs to me.

and, i finally have my own capeless superhero, someone who rescues me just when the load of being one becomes too overwhelming.

no matter how i start off my sentences with “i,” these are written all because of you – with or without sense.

i have made something devoid of eloquence that every poetry or literary masterpiece has delivered; good thing i am not a poet. this is an excuse i hold on to in case i have not achieved coherence in expressing my love for you.

but there it is, all the non-sensical prelude all boils down to the strongest declaration i have ever made and will ever make: i love you. so much. ma’l.

Maiden’s Initiation

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(Created October 16, 2008 [that long ago?!])

Drum roll please. This is my first blog entry. For some reason, I feel as if I am expected to say – or in this case, write – something smart or monumental, which brings me to launch the advent of a series of warning about my writing. Say goodbye to quotable quotes or life’s lessons that you can bring to your grave. I don’t have them. Mwahaha *Bella Flores laugh*

Truth is, I have never been a fan of blogs. It is a term as familiar to me as quantum physics and the only difference I can tell between the two is the spelling. Yes, I am a writer, but examining my thoughts and seeing them vainly attempted to be captured with words is a tad uncomfortable and ambitious. Plus, I am lazy. Need I say more?

If it weren’t for my leaving home (I am in Singapore for a couple of months now by the way), I wouldn’t have felt the need to scream. Of course, I would not risk deportation just because of, er, screaming banshee charges – though, mind you, my hair right now would closely resemble one. Just imagine the headlines in the 6 pm (unless it is late) news: “Another Filipina in Singapore follows the footsteps of Flor Contemplacion.” Jeez.

Though I am not a domestic helper (see details on who the heck I am in my next entry), the bad part about this is that I won’t be able to watch myself on tv for the first time as I don’t have a Filipino channel. The worse part is my mum watches me for the first time and may either be brought to the hospital or will have me disowned. The worst part (am I doing the order correctly – bad, worse, worst?) is that I haven’t had the chance to have my hair rebonded and colored red yet. When I do, step aside Pokwang haha.

I am mostly locked up in my room after work, cradling my laptop being the only source of my sanity. As for friends, I sadly left them all at home. Don’t have any here yet, as I realize that a Filipino companionship is immensely different than interaction with foreigners. I’d probably give another entry for this, once the popular excuse called “writer’s block” escapes me for a couple of minutes. Nice, I am building a site, am I not? Anyways, I am gradually trying to conquer my discomfort, and see if my online diary helps the release of my emotional constipation – so this is my written scream.

For now, I have found a storage space in the cyber world as a keeper of my thoughts and ramblings. I don’t expect any earnings or popularity from this and am not even sure if someone will read this unless I threaten or harass them; but if you want to build a fans club, just message me. Joke.